The Duck Pond Splash Down

Being born a nervous person, means that I have to work really hard not to let those nerves disrupt my self-confidence. Or enjoyment of life.

My answer to this question? Everything (pretty much)

I can list things that don’t make me nervous: (counted on one hand)

• Holding hands
• Hugs
• Painting
• Music
• Breathing (most of the time)

Unexpected things that do:

• Emojis – in case I offend in my ignorance
• Crazy drivers overtaking 3 in a row with a bend coming up!
• Having to stand up for any length of time – it hurts
• People thinking I’m just fat without asking ‘what caused you to be overweight?’
• Waiting to get in the disabled toilet at a large venue – people don’t think maybe someone really needs it but its not obvious why
• Going to a paid event (sports or music), only to have everyone stand up and block my view the whole time
• Same with people videoing the event whilst holding their phone so high it is blocking my view
• Actually, those last 4 are more the reason why I get nervous just thinking about them on my way to a venue
• Just going out somewhere: event/venue, doctor, dentist, chemist – knowing I can’t stand in a queue at all – not for 30 seconds – without pain

All this said, at this time in my life, I am learning to just be me.

Learning, embracing, the spirit gently speaks,
“I am who I am,” with all the strength it seeks.
Though nerves may quiver, and shadows loom,
In this heart, courage finds ample room,
To bloom.

In the quiet chambers of a heart that flutters so,
There lives a soul whose nerves are stretched, taut and low.
Counted on one hand, the joys that calm this storm:
Hands clasped, warm hugs, art’s embrace, melodies transform,
And breathing deep (when breaths consent to form).

Stood still, the ache begins, a cruel reminder of restraint,
Judgments pass, no questions asked, silent complaints.
A queue, a stall, hidden battles behind a placid guise,
And venues full of rising crowds that reach for the skies,
While screens glow bright, eclipsing eyes.

These are the spectres that dance in the light of day,
Turning simple outings into mazes, tricky and grey.
Yet, through this all, a whisper grows loud and clear,
A resolve, steely and sincere,
To live as oneself, without the cloak of fear.

But life, ah, life plays a trickier game,
Dropping fears like puzzles, intricate and never the same.
Emojis, a playful jest? Or seeds of a slight?
While cars chase the horizon, igniting the fight,
Each bend in the road, a knell that might incite.

Amidst these waves, resolve takes root, a steadfast tree,
Anchored deep within, where no one else can see.
With each challenge met, each fear gently faced,
Strength gathers quietly, never misplaced.

So here I stand, unwavering, in my own embrace,
Emboldened by trials, I find my pace.
For in this journey, I am eternally free,
To simply be me, beautifully, courageously.